Dealing Emotionally

      After having some time to take in I've felt more at peace being able to handle things, and realize what I need is to be around friends, and family as much as possible. A few people have offered to come over, and help me do things around the house, and others have offered to come over, and just spend time with me. All are wonderful things, a few people have even asked to take me out or go do things which is also helpful.

     Another thing I have noticed that is very helpful is that I need to spend time taking care of others who need me. Simple things like getting my husband, and the guys he works with waters at work. I may not be able to do a lot of things, but knowing that they need to be taken care of, and hydrated is something I can do, and it gets me out of the house. It's also a cheap way to spend time out. I get my social interaction that way, and feel needed on top of that.

      I've been able to think about things differently this week. I've had opportunities to talk to people with out being rushed or bursting into tears or getting upset. I know things need to be talked about that aren't always going to be pleasant. I am still trusting God knows what he is doing even if his plan isn't what I want it to be I can still share his wonderful blessings with those around us, and even the doctors, and nurses. I am being overwhelmed by those who are caring, and putting forth the effort to help us any way they can. I am doing my best to make sure that I am being clear when I talk to people, and hoping people are forgiving in areas that I fail to do so in explaining our situation. I am always willing to answer questions to the best of my ability. Comments on my page are welcome, or private messages even, or even a phone call for those who have or want my number. I enjoy talking, and telling about how God is working even still in our lives through this crazy time. I still have to trust, and will continue to trust that God is sovereign, He is the almighty God.

     Some things I've noticed about Drexel I want to share with you are these. Around Mothers day I decided I wanted a ring that had Drexel's birth stones on it, Sapphire for September. I also decided I wanted his name on the outside engraved, our dedication verse on the inside of the ring so I could always remember.

     Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding' and he will make your paths straight".

     When I decided I wanted the ring my youngest brother, and my mom started doing some ring shopping, and found some really nice ones, but then they found the perfect one, and showed it to me. I fell in love with it. I wish I could wear it now I can't even wear my wedding rings because of all the swelling in my hands.

     The other thing I want to tell you about Drexel is that my husband read some where, I can't find the link now but he read that it meant "To turn, or, turner". It caught my attention because of the no amniotic fluid situation, and the fact that he can't turn head down yet his name with out us knowing prior means to turn.

    I haven't really spent a lot of time talking about marriage, and being frugal yet, but in all I feel like those are daily things that people see about James, and I. We do our best to make our ends meet. Always paying bills even when its tight, but God always gets us through. Some have asked me if I am going back to work after Drexel is born. My answer is still unknown. However, I am doing what I can to sell It works products which I would love to talk to anyone about, and help you get started either as a distributor or a loyal customer. I also have a few other things coming up that are pretty exciting that I get to share with my mother! That excitement will have to wait for a later blog post though! The point is there are things that you can do from home to make or save money. I am learning those ways. I will in the future make a blog post about each one of those things to help others understand that you can make money from home. So for now Trust in the Lord with all your heart! 

Into the planning stages of a difficult birth.

Difficulties? Yeah, so apparently nothing has changed our poor little baby boy is not making any progress with developing kidneys, and even his bladder. I'm 33 weeks pregnant and he hasn't turned head down. With that being said, and the no amniotic fluid he doesn't have the ability to turn on his own. According to our doctor, breach births are not practiced any more making it difficult for doctors even good doctors to know how to handle that situation. So with that being on the table I am now having a c section in 4-5 weeks. I'm not due for 7 weeks. Our doctor made it pretty clear he doesn't want me to go into labor especially early labor so now I can't even really go on walks any more because my braxton hicks start up so definitely no walking by myself.

I have two more weeks until my next appointment and probably only two more weeks after that. This next week should be going pretty fast at this point I have low energy, and don't really feel like doing much yet I know there are definitely things that need to be done. By keeping myself busy being around family, and small groups of people it's always nice to not feel alone where I can not feel so alone. Being alone is good in small amounts or after a big event allowing for your body to rest, and heal.

Vbs is over after family night tonight, this next week I will work on a few things to get them done and organized, and get ready for family to come to town for the c-section. I've got a lot of preparing to do, and a lot of it mentally. I am very thankful for our fence that means that Mia can go out, and play with out me watching her all of the time! I am definitely ready for some cooler weather that way we can spend some more time outside in the evenings. Having a back yard is actually something that we can do together, and enjoy being together with out spending so much money.

I guess, what I'm saying is I'm in the process of taking in this new information, and actually trying to deal with it in the way God wants me to. I know he still has a plan, it may not be the plan I want. But, I know he has a plan. All I can do is continue to worship him, and pray for little baby Drexel, and be thankful that even if I don't get to take him home or only get him for a short while I know that he will be with our heavenly father, and his sweet sibling. A song from Vbs we sang with the kids this morning is stuck in my head. "It's our father's house, a big big house with lots of room"! One day I will be in that big house with lots of room.

Difficulties of being pregnant.

   Difficulties?! Lets start there. First off I'm 24, and happily married. So far, on my second pregnancy but this will be my first born due to the last one being miscarried at 9 weeks pregnant. A miss miscarriage meaning my body didn't recognize that I was pregnant to begin with. On top of that took a couple of weeks after that to even start the process of passing the baby. Yes, I did it naturally. A painful experience, and one many people do not tell you what to expect. It seems that most of life you go on with out people telling you the whole truth about pregnancy's. Second time round and I still feel out of the loop when dealing with a new issue every day or every other week or when every it occurs.

     So, back to the Difficulties, after having a miscarriage once I was labeled early on by every doctor I saw during this pregnancy so far as a high risk patient. So, with that hanging on my head being the first difficulty not feeling comfortable at the doctors because no matter what I will always be the one who miscarried. Yes, it's true miscarriages happen often but when it happens to you, you have the ability to sympathies with others. Which brings me to another frustrating thing I learned early in my first pregnancy. Apparently its a genetic trait in my family for first time pregnancies to miscarry. Great so another frustrating thing hanging over my head and still hanging over my head. Will I ever be able to have a normal healthy pregnancy and carry a baby full term with out worry about health issues occurring. Is there something wrong with me?! Am I making some points here to help you understand the point of difficulties yet? This is just a tip of the ice burg from my life so far. I'm 33 weeks pregnant, and going in to the doctor tomorrow for my fourth ultrasound. Yes, fourth. At 21 weeks we found out that our little baby boy, Drexel Lee has according to the specialist doctor we saw a heart defect, lungs that I am still unsure what or if anything was wrong with, and then the kidneys which they couldn't see well enough to tell how developed they were or if they were even there. Oh, and apparently within two days I went from having low amniotic fluid to none.

    All this being said, many people who have been asking questions which, I will gladly answer here and in person about this pregnancy will get a new look on how I have really been doing. I've been keeping my mouth shut because I was, am and still trust that GOD is in control! Not the doctors and not the nurses. Not the insurance companies and not the people who answer the phones and call to give you information after appointments. GOD is always in control. I may be frustrated but when it comes to my baby's life I am not giving up. If I gave up on my boy I would be no better then the doctors so there is a brief insight on just a little bit of my personal difficulties on being pregnant.

    Oh, but one more thing! A blessing really, I have been just about perfect this whole pregnancy despite the whole health issue deal. Perfect meaning other than getting sick early on but that was just once. Very little nausea and mild back pain, and only just recently have I started having an occasional braxton hicks. How wonderful is that blessing that on top of all this stress. Yes, it's been stressful I'm not perfect and I do worry, but I will always keep my head up and praise my God for giving me this opportunity to have a baby! One with me and one with Him! I will meet you one day my little sweet heart! And Drexel I will meet you soon sweet boy! Being pregnant may be difficult but I will take it because God has blessed me more so than I could ever imagine!